Relationships, DAMMIT!!!

I am not in a relationship, unless you can consider head in a moving vehicle that. However, it seems that all my friends are dealing with one of the big situations that come with being involved with someone. Marriage, unexpected pregnancy, husband=Mean Ol' Meany, wife=crazed monster. I am the ultimate king at complete failure at relationships. Why in the tee-total mortal Hell would someone ever come to me with a problem? Because obviously, they are even more screwed up than I could ever possibly be. God, please help us all.

How did the human race ever survive? Well, maybe it didn't and you are all here for my enjoyment. All humans are my life-sized action figures. Yay, look, free doughnuts!

I'm not bitching.