Economics 101-The Two Dogs Way (Continued)

Man, when will people ever learn? I am continually surprised when supposedly thinking individuals spew forth such stupidity regarding money and its source that I just want to throw my hands up and jump off a cliff.

Problem Number One: There are NO DAMN CLIFFS in Mississippi! I guess there are some hills that would produce instantaneous death if one was to jump, but for the most part, there is a dearth of cliffs in my area.

Okay folks, here we go....

Point One: The Federal government does not produce anything to make money. In order for the government to have any money, they have to get it from somewhere. Enter Two Dogs. The IRS confiscates part of my salary every stinking time I receive a check. This is called "Income Taxes". What? You see, Gomer, the almighty Federal government thinks that I work for them and anything that I produce should benefit them in some way. The main part of this scenario that I abhor is that part where they do not wear a mask and hold a gun to my head literally. Figuratively, that is exactly what they do.

Point Two: The Federal government does nothing on the cheap. Again, Gomer, I must say that they do not clip coupons or go to sales. The Fed only uses the most expensive type of everything. I know, you get what you pay for, but does the government actually have to use 700 thread-count king size sheets to wipe their ass? I have to do with the John Wayne style paper stuff.

Point Three: There are people in this country that think that my damn money should go to all types of things that these same people deem important. Beg your pardon, but I do not see the importance of studying the mating habits of the Snail Darter. Quite frankly, I can't remember the last time that I had a decent Snail Darter egg omelet. It would probably take about thirteen eggs to make a good size omelet and I just know that I don't have enough Spotted Owl grease left over to keep it from sticking to the pan. I hate it when the eggs stick to the pan.

Point Four: Anyone that wants my money to study anything should give me a call at my house, during supper no doubt, and ask me to donate to their pet cause. The NRA did that about fourteen months ago and I gladly threw down a bunch of money to become a Lifetime Member. The funny thing is that I actually quit hunting about twelve years prior to that phone call, but some causes are too important to pass up. If you do not have the guts to call me personally to ask for my money, don't expect me to want you to have it.

Point Five: My life and my property belong to me. If you think that you are man enough to try to force me to give my life or property up, I would suggest that you pack a lunch and bring friends because it's going to be an all day thing. You see, Gomer, I have WORKED to earn what I have and I take pride in these things. Unlike you dirty unwashed cretins that think that the answer is government funding for your idiotic causes, I have invested my money, without the help of government, in things that I deem important. If you think something is important, get a job, make some money, and invest your time and money in the things that are important to you.

Point Six: In my mind, there is no greater country on the face of the Earth. If you just want to carp and moan about the way things are in this country, my suggestion would be to pack up a steamer trunk and head off to where you think that it would be better. Wonder how long it would take you to come running back to Mommy with your clipped tail between your legs? If you are too damn stupid to understand that there are people that devise rafts out of dead pelicans to try to sail to this country because their country sucks so bad, maybe you are not intelligent enough to make suggestions on where the government needs to spend money.

Point Seven: Socialism, Communism, Fascism, and Collectivism have been abject failures wherever they have been attempted. What in Heaven's name makes you think that maybe, just maybe, they could work in this country? Nationalized Healthcare will be the biggest boondoggle that you have ever seen. Think about what subsidized housing is and try to imagine medical facilities in the same sad state. Oh, I know that the people living there are of "lesser quality" than you are used to dealing with, but speaking from experience, they are the same as you and me. They have been robbed of any ambition and pride in their surroundings because of your "compassion" and "understanding". I do understand the ideology in trying to help the "less fortunate", but trust me, you are not smart enough to know the extent of the damage you are doing.

Point Eight: Capitalism is the only way that you can accomplish the concept of what you are attempting to achieve. You see, if I meet a person that has a great idea for establishing a business and has the right attitude for making that concept work, I am more than happy to put forth the capital to realize that person's dream. Even if this person has no money to invest in their ideas, it still pays ME to look for these people. Trust me, I want to make money. I do not want to pour ridiculous amounts of money into foolish schemes that will never pan out.

Point Nine: If someone in another country discovers some life-saving procedure from their research, the first place that they are going to run is the United States of America. Most people that have any intelligence at all realize that "success" means living in this country. Yea, I know there are some awfully rich folks living in other places, but how many can you think of that have actually created that wealth? "Rahim, that is a wonderful development in the field of medicine, you must go to the United States to further your studies. We can only produce enough electricity to provide forty-five minutes of lighting for your laboratory, unless the United States sends a warship with a generator."

Point Ten: The only thing that sets the human being apart from the three-toed overland sloth is the ability to reason with your brain. My suggestion would be to quit trying to distinguish what "feels" right and try to determine what is the rational thought. You know the old saw "1+1=2"? There exist in this world people who actually try to reason beyond this point. Please try to become one of those people before you cause serious damage to the human race. I know that it will be a painful process in the beginning, but really, you NEED to do this. Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Point Eleven: Yes, I voted for Bush, but he is spending my money like a damn drunken sailor. Please W, veto something, you are scaring me to death.

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