What's the difference between a Liberal and a puppy?
The puppy stops whining when it grows up.
Add your funny in the comments.....
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The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin, Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.
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12 comments:
What's the difference between a lesbian and a puppy?
Puppies usually stop licking when they grow up.
*kiss*
Hey, thanks for playing. I haven't seen you around in a while.
Two rookie Congressmen, one democrat and one republican, were walking along the street in D.C. They came upon a homeless man asleep on the sidewalk. The Republican woke him up, gave him $20 for something to eat and gave him a lead on where he might get a job. The Democrat was very impressed.
Later they came upon another homeless man. The democrat, not wanting to be outdone, reached into the republican's pocket and took $50 and gave it to the homeless man and then told him where the welfare office was located.
Q: What is the sad part about five democrats in a Cadillac going over a cliff?
A: The Cadillac can seat six
Yep, that's the way they roll. Thanks, nicnerd.
Four men were bragging how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,
"Measure, do your stuff." Measure walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?".
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "CoffeeBreak, do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave..
Right, Imara, because we all know that most government employees are Republicans. Oh, note the dripping sarcasm here.
Roy the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred
young (hens) layers, called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job
was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records, and any rooster that didn't perform went into the
soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought
sets of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a
different tone so Roy could tell from a distance which rooster was
performing. So, now he could sit on the porch and fill out an
efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmers favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was,
too. But on this particular morning Roy noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung
at all.
Roy went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets,
bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for
cover.
BUT, to Farmer Roy's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it
couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and procede to the next
one. Roy was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair, where
Butch became an overnight sensation among the
judges.
The result: The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but
they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly Butch was a Politician in the making. Who else could figure out how
to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best
at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying
attention?
Okay, Kelly, the animal sex jokes need a forum. I'm thinking of starting a new series for you to display you prowess in this department.
Bring it on, sweets.
Q: What is the sad part about five democrats in a Cadillac going over a cliff?
A: The Cadillac can seat six
Okay, Kelly, the animal sex jokes need a forum. I'm thinking of starting a new series for you to display you prowess in this department.
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