A Two Dogs Public Service Announcement

After going outside to drag my tongue through dirt under a tree where no grass grows, I came back to post this Public Service Announcement. Please let me get the feeling back in my mouth soon. On second thought, let the ol' sense of taste stay muted for a while, it needs a rest after that shock.

For the LOVE OF G-D, MAN! These are vile! Why in the mortal Hell would Mr. Ruffle do this to me? Whatever in Hell I did to him, he has gotten me back tenfold. And I shall never, ever purchase any Ruffles ever again. The flavor of these "crisps" simply scares me. I posted the ingredients and the nutritional information to allow you some knowledge into what tastes bad. Anything that contains one (1) of these ingredients should be avoided at all costs to ensure that you never experience what I did. Boy, I took one for the team and y'all owe me. Damn, the whole world owes me.

These are BAKED! and according to the package, loudly baked. They are supposed to be less bad for you, I guess. Obviously at the expense of flavor.

And not only that, they have absolutely NO nutritional value at all. Why, oh why, would anyone choose to eat anything that tastes like it belongs in a 1978 JC Penny leisure suit section? Seriously folks, these are made from rayon, that is the only thing that could produce the distinctive taste of these.

All I can say in closing is that if this is the direction that healthy snacks are heading, let me simply go get a can of potted meat and some saltines. Slogan of the new Two Dogs snack stolen from The Sneeze: "Made for, by, and with assholes."