Etiquette for Dudes

Well, Bean made it back okay and she and I have been fighting ever since. It seems she came back and thought that she ran things with us, boy was she wrong. Is it wrong to hit a woman? Yeah, but is it wrong to act like you're going to hit a woman? Yeah to that, too. It's like you can't even jump at 'em to make 'em flinch, how tough does that make relationships? If you could just swat 'em in the arm, then everything would be fine.

Anyway, I'm kidding, we are getting along famously and she is completely not sleeping at the right time because her body is ten and a half hours off normal people schedule, no wonder those damn Muslims want to kill everybody, their damn clocks don't work right. And she is jonesing for every nasty food substance known to man. Who the Hell craves a damn Quarter Pounder? Ethiopians, maybe? Naw, even they would rather eat scabs.

I'm currently in the flatlands and my speedy cell card for my laptop is running, no lie, 151 kbps. Welcome, Two Dogs, to 1995. Where's that modem sound? What AOL keyword do I use to access Blogger? I cannot even imagine what surfing porn was like then. Did people actually blow out rotator cuffs from prolonged "high-fiving?"

Anyhoo, this post is for the dude that I just passed on the sidewalk. Really man, I DID NOT want to know how you were doing, it was just a greeting.

Lesson One: How to be a dude. Dude Greetings.

Dude 1: How's it going?

Dude 2: What's up? (DO NOT RESPOND TO THE INQUIRY, EVER, DUMBASS.)

Would you believe that the guy actually stopped walking and tried to tell me "how it was going," and he was not 'shroomed out? Wooooo, b-a-d play.

I swear sometimes I wish that I was all alone on this planet. Swear.