Define: House

A building in which people live; a residence for human beings.

Yesterday morning, the AP had a story about a school teacher that lived in a seventy-eight (78) square foot "house." The report stated that the reason he/she lived in that house was because of George W. Bush's hatred of the American people and his devastating affects on our economy. Those asinine statements mean nothing, but the SIZE of the "house" is what peaked my interest. You know, I kinda know something about that.

They also stated that all of the teacher's sixty-four (64) students visited the "house" and it was plenty large enough for all until someone passed gas. I have to assume that Bean was there and that the AP meant that two people at a time went into the "house."

Just so you know, according to code, the smallest area that sixty-four (64) people are allowed to congregate in a commercial environment is four hundred forty-eight (448) square feet, seven square feet per person, and they must have two exits of a minimum width of thirty-four (34) inches clear. Not only that, you must have four total toilets and four lavatories with handicap access to at least two of those fixtures. You know, broken into male and female restrooms, so the 448 is somewhat misleading. It winds up being much, much larger because of government regulations. A handicap restroom must also have a five foot clear and unobstructed turning radius area so people in a wheelchair can maneuver. However this was a residence, so those codes really don't matter. I just threw that out there for your information and to type more words.

The term "house" got me to thinking exactly what is needed for something to be referred to as a house. Since most of us do not live in the 1800's anymore, with the exception of those of y'all that live in fly-over country after a severe storm, I determined that a house must contain sleeping facilities, bathing and pooping facilities, and a way to cook. We will assume that the furnace and the water heater are housed above. See the usage of the word "housed" in the last sentence? I think that words are becoming more and more liberal and personally, I do not like it one damn bit. Mentally change that word to read "installed" or "positioned," please.

I guess that a hotplate could be incorporated for cooking purposes and could be stored under the bed after it cooled down. Clothes storage is a major issue, but since this IS a teacher, I assume that they really do not care much about appearance, they really do not make any attempts to impress anyone.

Cold food storage is another issue that is not addressed in this "house," but you see the silliness of calling this anything other than a "room." That is if it really does exist, which is questionable at best.

This will be considered a "mansion" and will be constructed from stolen cardboard when Barry is President.

As you can clearly see, I made the "house" 81 square feet instead of 78 to allow for the thickness of the walls. I just banged out a little thing in about three minutes. Sue me.