From my friend, the incompetent moron:
Oh I forgot to tell you: Last Saturday I was nailing a box in the ceiling joist for a smoke detector and my hammer slipped and hit me in the face. I chipped a tooth (got fixed today) and busted my lip. D's sister brought me some of that liquid band aid shit, and let me tell you, that shit BURNS like a mother fucker. That stuff hurt worse than hitting myself in the face with a hammer. Oh, and the weekend before that I almost knocked myself out on a wooden brace in the attic. No shit, I saw stars and everything. I hope I don't hurt myself this weekend, the chipped tooth cost me $95. Insurance wouldn't pay because I just got some work done on that same tooth in May.
So, laugh at someone else's misfortune, it hurts much less than your own.
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