Food Pr0n and My Friend's Junk

Excerpt from an actual e-mail thread: Let's just call my friend "Ernie Jacob" to utterly protect his identity.

Ernie Jacob: Paul - Get a group together. It will be a blast. Your money will go to good causes, namely my Christmas budget and a charity of your choice. (E-mail is accompanied with a menu from the cooking class "Ernie Jacob" is teaching.)

Me: Ernie Jacob, I would appreciate it greatly if from this point forward you would e-mail every tidbit of FOOD PORN you receive. Mkaythanxbai!!!

Ernie Jacob: Freaky ass porn is my buddy Buddy's hangup. My tastes run a bit milder.

Me: I have used up a whole bottle of olive oil already reading this menu. Quick! Call the Greenville Burn Center before I do real damage to myself.

Ernie Jacob: Olive oil makes for a poor lubricant. You might want so switch to peanut oil. It has a much higher smoke-point and doesn't flash over until 540 degrees.

Me: All I know for sure is that Vicks Vapor Rub and Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil suck to the nth degree.

Ernie Jacob: In high school, I learned that Agree shampoo + dad's old playboy = chemical burn; in college, I learned a similar formula...Apple Pectin conditioner + sorority girl = chemical burn.

Me: Thanks for filling me in on your junk's particulars. I'll make a spreadsheet.

Ernie Jacob: Just felt like sharing. On the bright side of college experiments...Finesse conditioner was awesome in the hands of the right sorority girl! I still get a boner every time I smell it. I had to stop buying it because of the side effects.

Me: Dude, I shall put that on the spreadsheet, too. Pfizer is gonna be so fucking pissed, since they just lost Ol' Ernie Jacob as a client. Oh! Check this out!

At this point, I added a link to this blog post.

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